Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
