I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Drake has all the answers
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
