dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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