Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just gift wrapped bread.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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