Need sex. Gaining weight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
