Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
