I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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