just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
