Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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