How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
