i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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