Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
