just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
