Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
