Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
