ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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