Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
