everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
