After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
