So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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