please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
