paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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