Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
