did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
