so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
