does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
