I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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