Do you still have your period?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
