So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
