I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ttyl tear gas
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The Olympian is in my bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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