I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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