I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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