saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
