I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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