I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize