I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
