and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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