So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
