check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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