As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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