I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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