How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
