His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize