wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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