just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
