We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
