Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize