Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
