I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
