I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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