Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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