Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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