This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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