You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
