I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
