therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
