I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
