This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
