How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
