and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
