I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
