I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
