Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
