My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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