Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
