Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
