Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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