last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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