when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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