She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
