My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize