I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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